This is a very interesting topic because it happens quiet a lot in many areas of life & not just for kids, either. I have become very aware lately just how often it happens to adults, which is, kind of scary.
I believe bullies are very confused about who they are, that is why they choose to pick on others, its easier than looking at their own life because then they might have to change something that they don’t want to admit to in the first place.
They are someone who stands with their back to the mirror for the simple reason they don’t like what they see or who they’re looking at when looking directly at it.
Myself & my sister went travelling to Canada in December 2016 for 6 months. It is a beautiful country, regrettably, while doing some work ran in to bullies.
How it came about, on one of my first days I really began to notice how rude all the staff behaved towards one another. Having just finished some courses around psychology, especially, CBT, I really began to notice behaviour, mostly unacceptable behaviour, that I would no longer tolerate from anyone.
It was coming around the Christmas season & I put it down to the stresses & the strains that come within the industry at that time of year.
It was very interesting to watch at first, then, it actually made me feel really uncomfortable. I was working near the kitchen & would watch the chefs calling each other horrific names, literally treating each other like shit & everyone thought it was ok as the all did it to one an other in the job. Not once did they ever say sorry to each other or whoever else they screamed at. On a few occasions, I witnessed management watch, as chefs threw things at others & did nothing.
During a busy lunch, someone asked me to get something, I was already doing too things & i said I can’t sorry. About a minute later, another one of the staff members followed me & started screaming up the stairs. I didn’t hear what she said, I looked around to see was there someone else there, then, I realised she was screaming to me.
I must admit, I got really annoyed & shouted who the F**k do you think you’re talking to, don’t talk to me like that. New or not, busy or not, no one is going to talk to me like that at my age for no reason just because they think they can. After all, that is what is tolerated at this place daily & I decided I was not tolerating it.
Before, I probably would have sat with people like that. Now, I have too much respect for myself to even talk to people like that.
So from here on out, I dug my own grave, the staff were even more horrible. They never said hello or goodbye in response to me, maybe a grunt now & again, left without giving me tips if I didn’t ask, ignored me or said I don’t know if asked something & just walked off, they were the most inhumane people I have seen in a looooong time. They were actually like this with one & other in work, it was actually the norm for them. Honestly, it was horrendous to watch.
A whole job took what one girl said as fact, then exclude me & it was my fault. Not one of them, had the individually to question the whole thing. Instead, they were all followers & believed everything she said.
How I got through it was, I needed the money so that’s what I focused on. On the way to work, I would get a nice coffee & sit in a nearby park area. I would put myself in a bubble never-changing for these ignoramuses.
I used it as a major lesson in life, I would go in every day with a smile on my face & instead of asking any of them anything I would use my initiative, find everything myself.
My job was a food runner, which consisted of checking the food before serving & ensuring it was all correct & I would run when necessary. However, that is not how it went, they tried to take advantage of me & let me run everything. It worked for a week or so until I learned the ropes. Then, I started to ring the bell, they hardly ever answered which meant I couldn’t do my job properly. I would literally have to stand & ring until they came, with a bad attitude without fail, the managers could see what was going on & not one of them done anything.
They used to mess up the orders & blame each other or, me. All behind each others back of course.
One of the first things I remember was, when anyone would come to pick up food, they would stand bitching about other staff members that were meant to be their friends, to me or the chefs. I found this to be highly disturbing, my response was always never to answer. Some would call that rude, I’m not going to take part in childish behaviour from fully grown adults.
When they would come in the back & start shouting about an order, I would state as calm as possible, please don’t shout at me, If you wouldn’t mind can you speak to me properly, please. They got really offended by this don’t think anyone tried it before 🙂
There was one lovely girl who would always ask if I wanted to come for a drink, I always said no to the offer as I found it to be very abnormal, they slated each other daily but sat with each other like bestie’s afterwords drinking. I refuse to be around people like that, however, accidents happen. I said yes this one time & the one who really hated me was in the bar. Great, I had one drink & left. While sitting there, the one who I had the run in with, was actually complaining to a friend, she was sitting with right in front of me about how much I smiled in work (it was my way of coping with idiots) imagine complaining about people smiling, really. And, right in my face, whether she knew I could see her or not I don’t know, don’t think she’d care anyway that is the kind of people they were.
The most fascinating thing for me, was, how multicultural the environment was. There were people from all over the world working there. However, that didn’t matter, not one of them had any originality every single one of them acted exactly the same, regardless of where the originated from “it was very step ford wives” they all modelled the shitty behaviour from one another, they were, clones. What I mean about individuality is, if we don’t know what our own values are, we will just do what everyone else does because its easier.
Management said, you just had to give it time & they would warm to you. My response, to this was, no thanks (to myself) I would rather not. I stuck it out for the money because i needed it so badly. As soon as I had enough I left.
It was only a very short period I stayed, in the past I think I would have moulded to fit in, not a hope these days. I wouldn’t sit with people like that in a million years. As hard as it was, I never gave in & as soon as I seen it I made up my mind to leave ASAP. I just stuck it out until I had to.
Another thing I will never forget was, one of them was a much older man, he was having his lunch & me trying to be nice I said to him, why don’t you sit in the park near the back of the place, his response was, ohh I could never go anywhere on my own I would feel like such a loner. In that moment, I genuinely, felt so sorry for him, to always need people is a tragedy & at his age an even bigger one, he was at least 50. Clearly, this man has a lot of issues with his independence & what I wrote about further back in the post, a lot of issues that are easier to ignore & pick on others instead.
What I learned from the whole thing
- Don’t just fit in, I can imagine them all, still sitting there, talking about each other ,then drinking after work, totally abnormal behaviour.
- Listen to your intuition it has all the answers.
- Do not ever let people talk down to you, ever. Take direction not orders.
- Who I really am & what I really never want to be.
- Stand up for what you believe in, I was one against about 25 daily, I still wasn’t letting them win ” in a violent situation this is very different” take correct precaution under violent circumstance get outside help .
- Never, believe people like these or their opinions about other people, they not only slag each other they would stand slagging guests, disgusting.
- Don’t, get stuck in places like this ever again, big lesson.
- Stay true to who you are alway’s don’t follow the crowd.
- There will always be bullies, stand your ground & whatever you do don’t become one.
- Watch & learn, what you don’t want to be, always, it’s a great lesson.
- Bullies are cowards who have not got a clue who they are.
- Ohhh I’m much stronger than I look 🙂
♥♥ Have a lovely day ♥♥
Written By Siobhan