“Take advantage of every opportunity to practice your communication skills so that when important occasions arise, you will have the gift, the style, the sharpness, the clarity, and the emotions to affect other people.”
This is a touchy subject for a lot of us ehhh maybe most of us :). But, in reality we have to check in with ourselves now and again to check how we are doing and if the answer is not so good, find out why.
If a bad day arises out of the blue, not understanding emotions & feelings defiantly will not help in the slightest. The bad day is yours for whatever the reason may be. Yes, someone or something may have contributed to what happened.
However, you are in control of YOUR reaction. Simple, yes. No, in reality people don’t even realise when they are being triggered. More often than not it is an unconscious reaction in relation to a past experience.
A comment from a stranger can cause someone to blow a fuse. This has nothing to do with the person who made the comment. It is all our own stuff. Living on Auto-pilot will absolutely, encourage this type of behaviour. Again, its unconscious. We have to become conscious to change.
The other day I was in a group setting. I was having a bad day. A touchy subject for me, arouse mid class and I was dealing with a really toxic person who loves to argue. Although, I knew it was a touchy subject for me, I controlled the outcome of the situation by taking deep breaths while remaining super calm. The other person did say things that really bothered me but having self-awareness prevented me reacting.
Unfortunately, it’s a very taboo subject. Its really is a primary topic that needs more focus. The education around the subject is slim to none. We really need to accept the fact that we all have emotions and feeling but without knowledge of exactly how they work, they are useless.
Here are two examples why we need knowledge of how they work:
- There is a couple who are great together they love to party, go on holidays all the fun stuff, they get on really well. Until, the girlfriend asks what do you think about settling down and getting married ??? Instead of saying exactly how he feels or even talking about it, he flips, starts shouting, walking away acting like a child. He came from a background where his parents were unreliable, always fighting, drinking etc. So he has already made up his mind, that is what marriage is and he doesn’t want it while also using their behaviour when asked a serious question by his girlfriend. He never got thought how to use or express his emotions or feelings instead suppressed them leaving him baffled when they surface. Leaving his girlfriend totally confused for the simple reason he won’t TALK about it.
- At a party there are a group or friends having food and drinks casually chatting and having fun. One of the friends makes a remark resulting in one of the others completely losing their mind and leaving the party. Everyone is in shock, the friend looks crazy. What actually happened was, she was triggered by a past situation that was never resolved so unconsciously when anything similar happens she loses it unintentionally.
For both of the above it is unintentionally happening to them as they have never dealt with the emotions or feelings, in regards to the triggering issues. Nevertheless, can you see how it is all about them.
Self awareness is the first step in being genuinely happy within ourselves. It is not someone else’s job to ensure they say or do the right things around us so we don’t get p***ed off. If it was, they would spend the majority of their lives walking on eggshells to please us. It is up to ourself, to make sure, we are actually in full control of our emotion, feelings and behaviours. No-one wants to be around a ticking time bomb.